You are a treasure. Unearthed on a deserted island after you were left by boisterous rum rummers 300 years ago. But now you breath the fresh air again. And your first priority is to sit down and enjoy the latest episode of the Smile Syndicate Music Hour.
Unlike other podcasts who are only obsessed with flattering their own fragile egos, or with heaving abuse on people they should be entertaining, we’re gonna treat you like the treasure you are.
First time – I hope you got your name tag from the table out front. Please sit near the front, we have a lot to get through – the Power Points we’re presenting will have very small fonts and loads of text. I’m joking of course – you’ve got a front row seat to the finest show podcasting has to offer and you’re gonna really be glad you stuck your head in today. It’s gonna be funny, sunny and lots of good songs flying straight from our hearts to yours. Welcome, friend.
Long time – hey, hey, Blue Streak. Heh heh heh. You’ve been with us a while now so we’re comfortable enough with each other to start using obscure nicknames. Oh, man, you first time listener, you should have been here 3 weeks ago. Blue Streak did something so funny we have no choice but to start calling them Blue Streak. So Blue Streak, you know the drill. Sit back, relax, enjoy the show. You’re part of the bedrock of this show and it’s only because of you that we’re able to have a yabadoo time each and every week.
It’s time to turn our gaze to the Smile Syndicate Music Chart. You will walk a long mile to find a more competitive, blood-crazed, guts soaked music chart. This insane competition for its own sake does have one positive outcome – the victor left standing has proven themselves to be the better song this week and we can then listen gratefully to a song sure to move and groove us. They’ve proven their worth by smushing the skull of another song. What other chart is so focused on quality? “Hey kids! You like this song? Okay! Number One!” That’s no way to tell anything. The Combatitorium is a ring of pain, destruction, and punching and pummelling. From this chaos comes clarity – a song worthy of our attention.
I see the two competitors confidently striding to the center of the Combatiorium. Well, one is, the other seems to be having some trouble. Our competitor in the red leather catsuit seems to be a little wobbly on their feet. Probably nerves.
The competitors salute each other. The steady competitor, clad only in swim trunks and a clown wig raises their fist to heart, the solemn pledge that they will do their very bust so smush their competitor’s skull with honor, dignity and good sportsmanship. The red catsuit has reached into their pocket.. Gives their salute, and they’ve dropped something. It – it appears to be a hip flask. Oh, my goodness, the gentleman in the red leather catcuit is drunk. This is appalling. He should appear ready to crunch his opponent’s skull with grace and elan, not with the clumsy swings of a tavern brawler. Oh, the audience is laughing. He is now a figure of fun. He’s dropped the flask again and its precious contents are pouring out onto the sand floor of the bloodstained Combatitorium.
Oh, he’s shoving sand in his mouth, – this is not how it’s done, sir I remember Red Leather Cat Suit bragging to the press just last week how being a tea-totaller keeps him sharp. Well, he’s taken his first drink today and it’s ended in disaster. Stay off the sauce, Red Leather Catsuit – it’s for grownups.
His opponent in the swin trunks is raising his fist, and oh, straight down on to the skull of Red Leather Cat Suit. It’s nap time now. Swim trunks is our victor.
Coming in at number three with a bullet, this is The Smile Syndicate with MANIAC! FROM! BEYOND TIME! Hit it, kids!
THE SMILE SYNDICATE CHART – (Maniac) From (Beyond Time)
Plug the Hallowfun Halloween Specbloodular Party show.
Amazing show for you today. We’re at episode 68 and that means there are 67 shows crammed full of Funtime goodness. As we keep onboarding new listeners, we like to take some time once in a while to help get them up to speed. Of course, you are totally free to explore the extensive collection of previous episodes on your own.
But, with Miss Elizabeth as our guide, we are able to find some gold the first time we dip our prospecting pan into the river. She has gone through the archive and picked out some segments we’d like to revisit.
Some old friends we’ll catch up with. And if you’re a new listener, you’ll get some hints about what to listen to next when you’re done listening to today’s extravaganza.
MISS ELIZABETH PICKS (Life Hacks – Vinegar shots – “Oh, Bermuda” – March 4, 2019)
37:33 – 57:50
THE ROUND WHEEL OF MYSTERY
Angel broke away from the Druids – they said his brand of yoga was blasphemous. The Druids have disappeared. They left this weird figure on the lawn – made out of twigs and branches. It’s like the Blair Witch Project out there. I ran over it with the lawnmower. It got dark when I did – this black cloud covered the sun. It was going in the opposite direction of all the other clouds. And I thought I heard a wolf howl. But I was more worried about the lawnmower blade – some of those branches were really thick and I think they did a number on it.
THE SMILE SYNDICATE JUKEBOX – Dinosaur God
Let’s check in with Miss Elizabeth one more time and see if she has a mighty gold nugget, found in the mighty stream of past Smile Syndicate Music Hour episodes, that she’d like to share with us.
But before we get to that, we just need to say a quick thank you to our sponsors. Those fine people and businesses who help us deliver this fine program to you week after week. We have a returning sponsor this week! I’m proud to say:
Today’s episode of The Smile Syndicate Music Hour is brought to you by PARK PLACE SPITTOONS – Smileton’s finest maker and seller of — MISS E: WAIT A MINUTE
MISS ELIZABETH PICKS – A Gummy Explosive Sound (August 12, 2019)
PAID ADVERTISEMENT – Park Place Spittoons (39:17 – 42:37)
SMILETON COMMUNITY MESSAGE BOARD (43:01-1:00:36)
Quick – Kreechie Peachy – social media for kids. So, kids can be terrible with each other – mean, unkind. So, say you’re a kid, you go on there, you’re a bit open with the kids, and they start mocking you. You get teased, harasssed, bullied. It’s no good – no fun. But Kreechie Peachy was created with the long game in mind.It’s sophisticated AI recognizes these negative exchanges, it keeps track of who bullied whom, who was mean to whom and it remembers. As these kids age, Kreechie Peachy keeps its robotic eye on everybody. Then 20, 25 years later, this kid who got bullied is in a different place in life. Maybe they’re in a position to answer this bully back with the brain and deviousness of a grown up. Oh, I remember that bully who bothered me in grade 5. I wonder where they live now – KREECHIE PEACHY KNOWS. What’s their address? What’s their cell? Where do they work? What’s their bosses name? KREECHIE PEACHY KNOWS. Not only does it know, its AI will suggest schemes to enact your revenge. Maybe you want to get them fired – let KREECHIE PEACHY create fake video evidence and documents that seem to show your bully pal was embezzling funds. Maybe you want to end their marriage and lose access to their kids – let KREECHIE PEACHY cook up video, text messages and voicemails that will convince even the most skeptical spouse that they married a sociopathic demon. Get on Kreechie Peachy now – help it help you.
Very pleased to present a BRAND NEW SONG. This one will get us rocking at the speed of light as we hurtle across the galaxy, powered by Funtime engines built to split infinity itself apart.
MARQUEE SONG SLOT – UFO OMG
That’s it! We hope you enjoyed the show. If you enjoyed the show, please consider joining the Smile Squad and support this podcast on Patreon. Join the podcast-supporting elite and keep us on the Joyful Treadmill producing Funtime content week in, week out.
Please tell a friend about this podcast. Spread the word, make a difference. Let’s grow this family.
So it’s bye bye from Jason.
And bye bye from me. See you next week.
And as always, remember friend, the sun is a jukebox.